Michelob's New Glitz

Ocassionally, a huge brewer like Anhauser Bush will sneak in a specialty brew for small distribution. Their latest step into this arena is Michelob Celebrate which, admittedly, sounds more like an erectile dysfunction pill than a microbrew. Celebrate's label boasts "Oak-Aged Dark Vanilla," punctuated with "Premium Lager." It drones on to give us the entire, dull backstory of this self-important release. It is all printed on a dramatic black label embossed with gold, taking a step and three-quarters in the general direction of audaciousness.

Yet, it pours with a hearty density and the vertical whirpool at the bottom of the glass swirls with decent effervescence. The aroma does have a sprinkle of vanilla, but it teeters dangerously close to a fat Belgian Ale or worse, Scottish Ale.

Let me slide over to this tangent, since it is the perfect segue to rant about thick, sickly sweet, syrupy turpentine.

The most expensive beer I ever bought was $8.99 for a 6 ounce bottle of Thomas Hardy Ale. It was like drinking Jaegermeister mixed with chocolate syrup. I took one sip, recoiled and contemplated throwing away the whole bottle.

But wait. I paid almost nine bucks for this tiny beer. It was at that moment I heard Cartman's voice in my head.

"Go ahead, throw it away.
Just pour it down the gutter.
Do it.
Oh, you can't.
You won't throw it away even if it tastes like goat piss.
You're a Jew.
You'd like to throw it away but...
you're...
Jewish.
You can't do it, you spent nine dollars on the tiny bottle."
It's true. I'm Jewish and I couldn't throw the tiny beer away even though it was progressively making more sick than the drink before. Each swig trucked me one mile closer to Nauseaburg. And I wouldn't throw it away because it was almost ten dollars.
I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was a horrible experience.

Anyway, the Michelob was far from that disappointing experience. Even though I don't believe the label of old world, patient crafting, it pleasantly cranked back the sweetness to a tolerable level, and the dark sparkle added to its appeal.

Celebrate had a sweet nose with a faint whisp of vanilla, but it didn't seem like the flavor was infused after the fact. There was a shadow of cognac hiding behind the malt.

The taste (gulp, smack, smack) has a hearty spike of alcohol, which helps diffuse the fragrant malt. I wouldn't say the vanilla is even discernable, but it is lingering in the background somewhere, waiting for it's big chance to solo for the American Idol judges.

Overall it is a great winter beer. I read on a beer-snob site (let's face it, I'm a food-snob site, but I'll lob a grenade in this glass house for the sake of argument), dissed it up and down as a meekly produced hairball from a major brewer.

I was much more forgiving, in that anything bearing the Michelob label which does not taste like anal discharge is an inconceivable achievement. It is remarkably flavorful, and screw the fact that its head "dissipates quickly." It is a real strong beer, walking a tightrope between unpalletable goo and complex brew.

My conclusion: A good buy, just once. It's nothing you would drink on a daily basis, but to try a six pack once (7 ounce bottles @ 10% alcohol) and you will be pleasantly surprised.