Foodz 4 Bumstec
Bumstec is a guy, just a regular guy like you or I, unless you happen to be a woman, then he sort of reminds you of Rosanne. Bumstec doesn't exist in the real world, but he embodies every lowbrow craving I desire. When I eat garbage, I am feeding Bumstec.
Bumstec is a good dude, he just has simple tastes. He's the one that forces me to watch sports if it is a playoff or championship series. He's the one that scratches myself. He's the one that loves fried cheeze. He's the one misspelling stuff like a pre-teen haX0r, substituting "for" with "4". He's the fraternity brother I never was.
I have to coexist with Bumstec, despite my educated and pseudo-cultured sensibilities. Bumstec is close to being an undisciplined miscreant, he has no social grace but he's not a bad guy. In fact, if it weren't for Bumstec, I would lack a lot of the inspiration for many of the crazy foods I come up with.
Bumstec is the motivation behind the marshmallow fudgicle. He helps me conjure edible dishes from disparate foodgroups at 3am after a night of drinking. It is he who compels me to mix granola with yogurt and add apricot jam to the middle.
Bumstec resides in all of us. Bumstec is the originator of many avant garde dishes found in posh restaurants. If you made some of the things at home that you find in restaurants, people would think you are nuts, or stoned. But, when Bumstec whispers in the ear of a cutting edge chef, he lays the foundation of a masterpiece.
Bumstec achieved a dubious pinnacle with Elvis. Elvis' fried 'nana sandwich was a Bumstec inspiration, and the stuff of legends. Two slices of white bread, creamy peanut butter and mashed banana spread between the two, then pan fried in bacon fat.
But it didn't stop there. Elvis didn't invent the Fools Gold Loaf, the Colorado Gold Mine Company took care of that, but so addictive was this arterial autrocity that Elvis flew a party from Memphis to Denver one night to regale them with 22 Loaves. As the word "Fool" would imply, this is the Statue of David for Bumstec. Hollow out a loaf of white bread. Line the inside with peanut butter, blueberry jelly and plugged with a pound of bacon. The cost for this quick excursion: $16,000.
Bumstec has far reaching influences, and should be heeded. It doesn't matter if someone shoots you a wierd look when you feel like dipping parmesian straws in boysenberry jelly.
Bumstec grows weary of always being asked "What have you been smoking?" as if innovative foods can only come from drug inspiration. Ok, in Elvis' case, that might be true, but then, what was the executive chef of the Colorado Gold Mine Company on?
Bumstec dictates your cravings, and is especially powerful in pregnant women. Oh yes, that is Bumstec's influence.
So don't dis Bumstec. He is there to offer guidance and inspiration. Yeah, he's not perfect, and many of the things he wants to try end up tasting vile. But, occasionally he creates a classic, something that redefines culture and becomes permentantly embedded as a staple. Bumstec was present when the Earl of Sandwich was stuck in the middle of a gambling binge, and requested his meat placed between two slices of bread. Bumsted witnessed a vendor at the St. Louis 1904 World's Fair place a sausage in a bun to create the first hot dog. Bumstec's spirit permeates every PB&J, Fluffernutter and the quintissential Bumstecian food: Reeses peanut butter cup.
Bumstec takes unlike foods and pairs them, and sometimes, finds a masterpiece.
Epilogue: I have uncovered a perversion of the highest caliber. Here is a recipe for vegan Fool's Gold Loaf. Why even bother...
Bumstec is a good dude, he just has simple tastes. He's the one that forces me to watch sports if it is a playoff or championship series. He's the one that scratches myself. He's the one that loves fried cheeze. He's the one misspelling stuff like a pre-teen haX0r, substituting "for" with "4". He's the fraternity brother I never was.
I have to coexist with Bumstec, despite my educated and pseudo-cultured sensibilities. Bumstec is close to being an undisciplined miscreant, he has no social grace but he's not a bad guy. In fact, if it weren't for Bumstec, I would lack a lot of the inspiration for many of the crazy foods I come up with.
Bumstec is the motivation behind the marshmallow fudgicle. He helps me conjure edible dishes from disparate foodgroups at 3am after a night of drinking. It is he who compels me to mix granola with yogurt and add apricot jam to the middle.
Bumstec resides in all of us. Bumstec is the originator of many avant garde dishes found in posh restaurants. If you made some of the things at home that you find in restaurants, people would think you are nuts, or stoned. But, when Bumstec whispers in the ear of a cutting edge chef, he lays the foundation of a masterpiece.
Bumstec achieved a dubious pinnacle with Elvis. Elvis' fried 'nana sandwich was a Bumstec inspiration, and the stuff of legends. Two slices of white bread, creamy peanut butter and mashed banana spread between the two, then pan fried in bacon fat.
But it didn't stop there. Elvis didn't invent the Fools Gold Loaf, the Colorado Gold Mine Company took care of that, but so addictive was this arterial autrocity that Elvis flew a party from Memphis to Denver one night to regale them with 22 Loaves. As the word "Fool" would imply, this is the Statue of David for Bumstec. Hollow out a loaf of white bread. Line the inside with peanut butter, blueberry jelly and plugged with a pound of bacon. The cost for this quick excursion: $16,000.
Bumstec has far reaching influences, and should be heeded. It doesn't matter if someone shoots you a wierd look when you feel like dipping parmesian straws in boysenberry jelly.
Bumstec grows weary of always being asked "What have you been smoking?" as if innovative foods can only come from drug inspiration. Ok, in Elvis' case, that might be true, but then, what was the executive chef of the Colorado Gold Mine Company on?
Bumstec dictates your cravings, and is especially powerful in pregnant women. Oh yes, that is Bumstec's influence.
So don't dis Bumstec. He is there to offer guidance and inspiration. Yeah, he's not perfect, and many of the things he wants to try end up tasting vile. But, occasionally he creates a classic, something that redefines culture and becomes permentantly embedded as a staple. Bumstec was present when the Earl of Sandwich was stuck in the middle of a gambling binge, and requested his meat placed between two slices of bread. Bumsted witnessed a vendor at the St. Louis 1904 World's Fair place a sausage in a bun to create the first hot dog. Bumstec's spirit permeates every PB&J, Fluffernutter and the quintissential Bumstecian food: Reeses peanut butter cup.
Bumstec takes unlike foods and pairs them, and sometimes, finds a masterpiece.
Epilogue: I have uncovered a perversion of the highest caliber. Here is a recipe for vegan Fool's Gold Loaf. Why even bother...
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