New Season of Gastrologica in the Works

Hey everyone! First of all, I want to publicly apologize to Jeni and Dylan and the rest of the foodwriting community for not making the Dim Sum Extravaganza. I know the energy level was only about 1/3 of what it would have been if I had attended. I heard it was a blast, so I am a true loser. There I said it on National Internet.

Dan and I are tending the new crop of shows, and I'm frantically forcing myself to write more, mostly to keep my hits up. Dwindling activity, I am told, can lead to a catastrophic loss of audience with no possibility of recovery. This may have happened already, but I'm oblivious to these things.

There will be at least one more week before any true activity, since there is an Office viewing get together this week, and I don't want to mar that or kill the energy in the room by trying to pit my humorous food talk against Steve Colbert and his zany on-screen presence. Of course, I would never want to steal Bob Vance's thunder, especially on his big day. So this will just be a non-working get together. I know I know, contain your desire to riot.

Having a 10 Megapixel camera has been the biggest disappointment since discovering the McRib has no real bones in it. That's right. The bones are pressed and formed meat.

People, don't be fooled by the bright orange emblem stamped on the box 10 MEGAPIXEL. It will stun your friends, and blow away your relatives. It makes your dick bigger than driving a Corvette.

It doesn't mean shit. It means your pictures will be gimongohunormous, which means if you publish them on a site like mine, you won't get any better picture quality and you'll have to take two extra steps to resize your pictures. What a burn. I used to have a Kodak 110 Instamatic that took better pictures than this piece of crap. But you know what? You people forced me to do this, so its on your head. Live with it. This is what you get when you push someone too much.

Finally, but not lastly, I'm doing a Superbowl menu that includes gumbo, cheese, soju, salmon roe, foie gras, wine and pigs in a blanket. All in the same pot.



Gaze on my horde of cheese and despair! I am the MuthaFuckin' OG Cheese Pimp



Men, if there is one thing we can learn from food porn, is wrap your cheese!

Finally, and I really mean it this time, I'm reading a great book that serves as a cautionary tale and meager inspiration for being a perfect host. I Like You by Amy Sedaris is a frightful look into hosting parties and bad cooking by the twisted mind of the woman who created Strangers With Candy. Buy it. I think you'll glean a lot of valuable information from this sage tome.